East Meets West: Holistic Treatment Day

Pepsi getting acupuncture treatment from Dr. Stuer

Dear Pepsi,

Today was a good day. We woke up happy for starters. Mom want to Pilates and felt okay about leaving you alone for an hour. You flew down the stairs to greet me when I came home, full of energy and excitement. Every time I grace this doorway and see your happy face is gift. After breakfast we went to your favorite park, I met with a student and then we were off to the holistic vet, Dr. Stuer. The staff at the vet hospital sang his praises when we scheduled the appointment. I was impressed that a holistic vet was on staff and reassured we were in the right place. When Dr. Stuer came out to greet us his energy put me at ease and I felt safe for the first time since we found out you were sick. In the exam room he expressed his sorrow and then began to talk about holistic treatment. When he found out you have been eating raw for 5 years he was ecstatic - preaching to the choir he said and we did a high five! 

Close up of the acupuncture

When he examined you I felt relaxed, even hopeful. He ran his hands over your body, closed his eyes and took deep breaths. He took his cues from you. He felt the heat emanate from your body and where to put the needles. There is a stuckness and inflammation he said, and it's all about the blood flow. While did the acupuncture he talked about how Golden Retrievers have high rates of cancer and a Golden Retriever study that his two Goldens are participating in. http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/study-underway-shrinking-lifespans-golden-retrievers-article-1.2212563  It is shocking to learn about the shortened life expectancy for your breed.  My Golden Molly lived until 14 years old and was only put to sleep because of hip dysplaysia, which if she were alive today could have been corrected by surgery. He also gave me an article about the positive outcomes of Yunnan Baiyao, which you have been taking since you went to the ER last week. After acupuncture he prescribed Chinese herbs, probiotics, and an immune booster. I actually felt uplifted after seeing Dr. Stuer, which I really needed. I walked out of the clinic feeling that no matter what happens, I did everything possible for you. I need to feel that way baby girl, or I could not live with myself.

Peps in her passenger seat, rolling with mom.

Managing this illness and treatment is time consuming. My day revolves around you. There is no time to spare between work, your appointments, medications, filing claims, and daily tasks like cooking or taking the garbage out. I started an online bootcamp program the week before you got sick, and while I have not been doing the workouts much, I am cooking healthy food for myself and not slipping into a sugar coma out of despair. I am trying to take care of both of us and your sisters (barely). I have neglected them but if you continue to tolerate the chemo over the next few days, we will start going to the beach again together. Tonight as I filled out claim forms for your insurance (trying to stay on top of it) I thought of how much my life has changed since you were diagnosed. I turn down dinner invitations, keep the house quiet, and focus my energy on you. This blog is a way for me to cope and stay regular in an irregular situation. I have shed everything except what is absolutely necessary. You have filled my heart, my head and all the space in between. I am single focused. I am present. I feel moments in a big way. I am fighting for you and in that I find some peace. During Pilates this morning when the moves felt too difficult I worked harder by telling myself I was kicking the ass of those cancer cells in your body. You are my endurance, my strength and power to push on. You fuel me. I will not cave. 

Peps at Higgins Beach bringing on the joy

You are the bringer of joy. I am not just carrying you baby girl, you lift me. Our time together is thick and textured. We are compressing several lifetimes into each minute, bridging worlds, treatments, hope and despair. It would never be enough no matter how long but we will make the most of whatever we have. But today was a good day, right baby girl? As far as tomorrow, I agree with Dr. Stuer, no one really knows.

Love,

Mom