Love At First Sight

You and Jonathan the day we met you

Dear Pepsi girl,

I fell in love with you the minute I saw you. It wasn't even my idea to get a dog, I capitulated to Jonathan who wanted a dog; however, in agreeing I knew this new dog would ultimately be mine and my responsibility. Your predecessor was Molly, another Golden girl who lived 14 years through the child raising chaos. When she got sick I was in the throws of a divorce and finding myself again. The morning I said goodbye I whispered to her I should have done better for you girl. When she was put to sleep in 1994 I promised the kids we would get another dog after a proper mourning period. I admit I liked the freedom to come and go without worrying about a dog at home to feed and walk. As the kids went off to college it was just me. The house was always clean. The kids were busy as well with their grown up lives as my promise faded in the background. That is until Jonathan moved back home from his dorm room at San Francisco State and began to plead for another dog. I know I could have easily squelched it and told him to wait until he had his own place; however, part of me wanted another puppy. And the search began.

Visiting you before you could come home to us

We didn't want to pay a pricy breeder; however, we wanted a Golden Retriever. I read the advertisements in the paper and found a couple who were selling most of their litter for a reasonable sum. Jonathan and I drove to Larkspur and walked into an apartment of baby Golden pups scurrying on the floor. Your mom looked exhausted as you and your siblings nursed. Dad was just hanging out being chill. There were two girls in your litter and one was already spoken for. Jonathan picked you up and I asked, Is this is our girl? His beaming smile said it all.  He cupped you in his hands and we snapped the picture, paid our deposit and then visited you several days a week until we could take you home.  

Puppy Peps playing with toys

When you finally came home it became your world. We were all smitten with you. Your Papa complained you were treated like a royal baby, which we laughed at but he was right. You became the center of our world. Rena had just started law school and you were her stress release. Pictures of you were timed on her laptop so she could look at you while studying and in class. All her school mates came to know you from the laptop. Jonathan his then girlfriend Krystal cuddled with you in bed. Jonathan took you to obedience training that Rena and I undermined with our spoiling. It was your way or the highway. For me you were laughter at the end of the day, my jogging partner, and new baby for an empty nester. I liked having to get home to you to feed and walk. It was goodbye to the clean house and everyday brought something new chewed or torn up. However, you brought me so much joy it outweighed the added responsibility and end of the era of a perfect house. You became the heart and soul of the family in record time, even Papa had a weakness for you, coming over to walk you when I was at work since he was retired. When Gene came back into our lives he fell for you hard, and I always say he only wanted me to get to you. No one could resist you.

You and your daddy

You and mommy

I know that pet parents outlive their pets in most instances; however, I had this crazy idea you and I would be together until the end. You know how I always say to you, Pepsi, you have to stay with me forever, and while I know it's unlikely, part of me has always believed it. That changed the other day when you were in such distress you could not get up. I carried you down the stairs and into the car to the Emergency Clinic. When the doctor came and told me you had a tumor in your heart and the prognosis was not good I broke down. She suggested we think about putting you to sleep. Rena was on speaker phone and told her to back up. Shakila took the doctor our of the room and read her the riot act, and told her to give us the treatment options. The doctor said it will be expensive and Shakila told her She already told you money is no object so go back in and let us know what we can do. They took the fluid out, gave you a drip and got you stable. It's not time yet girl, and we both know it.  There is too much fight in us.

You and your sisters, Pearl and Pandy at your favorite spot, Higgins Beach

That ride to the cardiologist in Western Massachusetts was long, the wait to be seen was even longer, and it confirmed that your tumor in your heart is inoperable but chemo might shrink it enough to give us all more time together.  I am game if you are. If there is a miracle out there I am willing to believe it could be ours. I don't know why this disease comes with no prior symptoms, is so aggressive, and strikes a super healthy dog like you seemingly out of the blue. I only know I will do anything to keep you in our lives as long a possible because I cannot fathom life without you. If I get too selfish and you are in too much misery there are plenty of people who love both you and me and they will put a stop to it. But for now let's be positive. Let's treat every day as a gift and be present with each other.  Let's go to the beach, sleep close at night, you can come to school and meetings with me, the store, and receive all your favorite people who are coming to visit.

Rena crowning you Princess Peps

I am going to write everyday about our life together, past to present. I will be storyteller of our amazing journey and all the people and doggies you have touched. Let's reminisce about our adventures - the road trips, moving from California to Texas and then Texas to Maine, the plane rides in Economy Plus, resort swims, beaches, the story of Pearl and Pandy joining the family, and everyday life with your family and doggie sisters and friends. Peps, I need to do this with you and truth be told it is for me to be able to deal with lies ahead. So here we go baby girl, one day at a time. I am going to hope beyond hope the miracle is ours to claim, and if not, I will be grateful for every minute, hour, and day I have with you.  

Love,

Mom